Mardi Gras Checklist:

1. Go to brunch with Bacchus Club (elite group who organizes and pays for an entire parade, one of about 12 parades)
1.1 drink copious amounts of free mimosas: it's going to be a long day.
2. Send off the parade and kiss up to old men to give us beads before they leave
2.1 Cry out desperately for a small stuffed crawfish. Success.
3. Attend Bacchus Ball wearing Jersey cotton floor length dresses while everyone else was at Miss America because we were invited at the last minute. Shame in dresswear lasted as long as our sobriety. Get hit on by the only young man at the table culminating in an "escape" later as he bemoans my absence to HIS PARENTS who are also sitting at our table. Are you 22 or 12? wtf. Parade come through convention center where ball is and we [the crowd] get all the leftover beads. Mass competition to get beads ensues. Our small contingent ends up with 80lbs!
4. Go to "Brennan's" for brunch. Notice the silverware is real silver. Notice the cheapest item is a $36 three-course meal. Immediately leave while adult in group fakes sickness.
4. Eat beignets. EAT MORE BEIGNETS!!! Too many.
5. Nap.
6. Eat oysters because it IS New Orleans. Ewww, still don't like. (Shrimp Po-boys rule!!!)
7. Secretly get into the Roosevelt Hotel (Waldorf0-Astoria) masterpiece of a bar for New Orleans classic drink, the Sazerac. Nate, you would have loved it. 1 hour to drink that whiskey because it was that good.
8. Bourbon Street
8.1 Too sober. Wayyyyyyyyyy to sober.
8.2 Find "Hand Grenades" - sketchy green drink served in bottle that looks like a hand-grenade. No idea of contents, suspect Midori and Everclear. After 1.5 of these, ready to hit the street.
8.3 See man with beads on balcony; make eye-contact; proceed to begin removing clothing items; notice someone is filming; give both people the finger. Find success at other balconies with no camera present - yay beads!!!!
8.4 Become power hungry: NEED TO GET ON A BALCONY AND HAVE POWER TO THROW BEADS!!!
8.5 Avoid cover at bar with half-naked girls dancing below and make it to balcony. Proceed to make friends with cute boy from CA. Throw beads. SUCCESS - Get a man to expose himself!
8.6 Surprise kiss attractive CA boy before turning on heal and marching out of bar with friends
9. Sleeeeeep zzzzzzzzzzz