This is real.

The Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield.


Apparently its an adhesive patch you apply to your skin in order to cover your butt crack. For just $14.99 you can hide the crack that shows when you wear low rise pants and a too short shirt...and it comes in various rhinestone/stud designs! Patent and trademark pending. For real.

Check it out on their website here.

Hahaha. I feel like wearing a rhinestone peace sign over your butt crack would be even more conspicuous than just having your butt hanging out of your jeans.

You Thought Carleton was P.C.

A couple of days ago I was on a bus coming back from a climate conference in Cochabamba, when I looked at the signs posted on the driver´s cabin. Usually these are things like, "Please keep your feet of the seats," "This bus only makes scheduled stops," or "Jesus take the wheel," but this bus, was a special bus. The only sign on the cabin was a very official one I´d never seen saying, "Please don´t eat inside this bus. Respect the hunger of others!"

Naturally, I noticed this sign just as I´d opened a conspicuously large bag of chips (what?) and looked over at my seatmate. He was quite obviously well-fed yet in slow motion looked at my chips, looked at the sign, and looked mopily into my eyes. Needless to say, I only got to enjoy half to a third of my chips. I´ll be more careful before I start chowing down in the future...

meat for thought

I thought I would simply comment that I bought a pound of honey-roasted turkey deli-meat this week. I've never purchased that much deli-meat at one time and it is awesome. (It has that wet, but dry, sweet flaky tender thing going on without being over processed...mmm)

Love those comics.

Also, I got a grant from the school, which includes summer work-study for my unpaid internship this summer. Therefore, I no longer have to keep my money in a lock-box!!

Trashmeat Relevant Comics

Sweet Dreams and Harsh Realities

Last night, after having consumed a "double margarita," a 90 calorie mojito (yes!), and having my booty call rejected (in favor of studying! law students...), I laid down happily in my bed and had one of the happiest dreams in a long time. Guess what it was?! You guys!

Somehow, we were all meeting up at a central location one by one. Carolyn arrived first and immediately began setting up the house by getting blankets and towels out of closets; Andrew cam next and immediately started telling weird stories, poured a drink and watched the set-up. Amy showed up with bags and bags of stuff. I don't know what it was, but she was PREPARED. Then Rye dropped in and began imitating a small animal. At that point, this part of my dream ended, but it had such a lovely essence of friendship about it that I remember feeling all warm and fuzzy at the time. I wish it had kept going so that everyone could have shown up. Moreover, it would be awesome if I could have then projected the dream to everyone via ESP or something!

Upon waking up, I returned to the world in which USC Law just dropped out of the top 100 law schools according to US New and World Report...THIRD EFFING TIER SCHOOL!! Needless to say, the entire Student Body was fit to be tied and the Dean held a "town hall meeting" during which a student asked, "Dean Pratt, tell us why we shouldn't fire you?"

While I don't think it's our academics that caused the fall, but other less important stats due to budget cuts such as "spending per student" and "facilities," what was most disheartening to learn is that Alumni giving is only 8 PERCENT. Carleton, as we all know, is way above 50%. USC does nothing to tap this resource - no phone drives, no solicitations, nothing! And, while none of us particularly like to be solicited for money, especially now when we have none, I'm willing to bet we will all give to Carleton in some amount. Thus, I see no reason why wealthy lawyers, whose loyalty to this state and state network are so strong, cannot give back to this law school!! Grrr...

Exams for the next two weeks. Uber Stressed. Love you all.

Fried Chicken Madness

For some artery-clogging reason, fried chicken is the most popular fast food option in Bolivia. By a lot a lot. The fried chicken phenom is such a part of the popular culture that when I went to a superhero party a month or so ago, no fewer than 4 people came (separately) dressed as "Super Pollo Copacabana." Pollo Copacabana is a well-known chicken place with ridiculous chicken mascots outside of all of their restaurants who either draw people into the restaurant or scare the shit out of kids/me.

Yesterday the fried chicken craze soared to new heights in my eyes when I walked past a place past which I walk everyday but hadn´t noticed. The name: Pollo Bras y Bros. I don´t have any idea what that could mean in Spanish. Maybe it´s a shortening of "brasa" which means "grilled" and "broaster" which means "broaster"...but I will be reading that sign in English from now on regardless of intended meaning.

Crazy...

So I've got a dilemma and this time its not about a lack of employment, but rather whether or not to take a job I've been offered.

I've spent the last month courting and being courted by a company called First Investors Corporation and I went for two 4 hour interviews for this job. Basically they are a place that provides financial services to regular Americans. I applied to be a financial services representative, where I make house calls with my personal clients and advise them on retirement plans, college funding, health/life insurance plans, and investments. These plans are all First Investors products (they have their own insurance, investment companies, and stuff). The job sounds exciting. Financial services is one of the few sectors that is showing growth. First Investors has been around since the Great Depression and they are NEVER in the red. The office I applied to is in Edina, 10 minutes from my house. The average age of their workers there is 28. The median income at that office is $80,000-$90,000. Holy shit. Plus within 3 years you can move to a management position. The schedule is flexible and you can take vacations when you want. All the people who work at that office are very personable, and friendly.

However, to be a representative you need to pass some state liscensing exams and you have to go through 2-3 months of training to do so. The pay is SOLELY commission based. So only successful sales = money. You receive all sorts of bonuses based on your sales, but the idea that it might take me a while to actually make ANY money is a little daunting. Also, when you're a representative you're listed legally as an "independent contractor" by the state...meaning you do not receive group health benefits. Eeek. The last thing I want is to be working for them for free for 6 months.

The site director called me today and offered me the job. I have until Thursday to say yes or no to this job.

The problem is that I've stumbled across some pretty sweet jobs in my recent searching. I certainly won't hear back from them in 3 days though. One of the jobs is to work at Coffee House Press in Minneapolis--one of the leading nonprofit literary publishers in the United States. Income around $35,000-$40,0000.

So what do I do? Say no to the job I can have in favor of some awesome ones I MIGHT get? Or go with a job that has the POTENTIAL to be very beneficial but without the guarantee that I can get my life going immediately?

I certainly didn't see a decision like this one coming.

Maturity Level = -6

So I'm embarassed to say I laughed out loud at work when I got this email forwarded to me hahaha!!! Enjoy...

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Goodbye Bald spot?!?

I received this email as a member of the Alumni Council; it appears that Carleton is going to build an administration building on the bald spot... BIG FROWNY FACE!!!

Dear Carleton faculty, staff, and students,

I am pleased to announce an important new development at the College. Named in honor of Carleton’s second president, the William H. Sallmon Administration Building will respond to a critical present and future need, that of adequately housing the College’s expanding administration. We are immensely grateful for an anonymous gift, which has made it possible to begin the construction of this facility immediately.

While some few may regret the loss of the Bald Spot, current and future plans for administrative growth make it imperative that we utilize this central location.

Please refer to this web site for further information:

http://go.carleton.edu/sallmon