How I Became an Angry, Culturally Insensitive American

OK, so when most people picture Bolivia they generally envision chubby cholitas with a cheek full of coca leaves tilling alpine fields while their herds of alpacas and an army of children tumble around the mountainside. While this Bolivia exists, people are disappointed to encounter La Paz as a big, bustling, and in many ways cosmopolitan city. I knew more or less what to expect and told myself that as a SOAN major I should anticipate the multiculturalism implicit in all modern cities and embrace the multifaceted spirit of today´s Bolivia.

That said, I have been shockingly intolerant toward the music that plays in the store next to mine. Cultural relativism breaks down in a pretty violent way when the alpaca goods store plays such classics at "The Godfather Theme," "Singing in the Rain," and "Born Free" on a loop for 9 hours every day. Also, these shmaltzy tunes are not in their original form, for our friendly local alpaca hawker has settled on acoustic reimaginings of these gems, heavy on the strings. I can handle Andean pan flutes and punishing recordings of reggaeton, but I have been pushed to the brink of extreme cultural xenophobia by this woman.

I will burn down everything.

Exotic luxury awaits you...

That's what the hotel confirmation email I got today said. So for those who don't know, I'm leaving for Las Vegas Wednesday (for work). I'm staying at the Mandalay Bay Hotel, which I had never heard of so I did some research today. Apparentely, this hotel has the number one pool area in all of Vegas, consisting of 11 acres of fake beach with a wave pool, lazy river, and of course, a number of pool side bars.



Other things I look forward to at Mandalay Bay...

1) there's a casino overlooking this beach area in which people are encouraged to gamble in bikinis and bare feet
2) you can rent cabanas that come all equipped with a stripper pole inside
3) there are staff on hand to marry you on the spot if you request
4) one of the pools is devoted solely to topless sunbathing (they say it is for their european tourists)
5) At night the "beach" becomes a dance club which is said to include "adult only entertainment"

Needless to say, I am sure to enjoy myself and come back knowing my coworkers that much better (I asked one of my coworkers who's going with me today if she had any advice on what to bring and she said that she was bringing Emergen-C so she can drink til 4am each night and not be hung over). More stories to come...

ZE BONES

chris, my housemate with whom I share a special kinship in all things weird and moderately terrifying, has stated that I have now done something so creepy that it gives him a free license to do anything he wants from now, as it will never measure up to the deed I just committed.

however, friends, I don't believe that it earns this designation of creepy.

the scene: I'm sitting in the bean bag, warming by the fire, painting a pile of bones with marker. after about 15 minutes, someone walks over and says, "hey, what are you painting... ARE THOSE BONES?" the room alights with fire as people start yelling over and over again: "I THOUGHT THOSE WERE Q-TIPS! THOSE ARE BONES?" "RYEON, WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE BONES?" "WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?"

Freaked out by the accusations barreling across the room, I have only enough wit to holler back, "BUT VAIR ARE ZE BONES?" I must channel nate whenever I am frozen in uncertainty. Five minutes pass in which people are growing increasingly alarmed at the presence of bones and the fact that I can only speak in a broken record german accent.

when things die down, I reveal that I picked them up on the beach, intending to build something out of them. They demand that I boil them, which I begrudgingly do. The steam smelled like pungent earthy dirt, in case you were wondering.

that's when it was decided that this won as the creepiest thing anyone has ever done--thus, setting the bar by which other deeds can be measured.

I don't think it was that weird. Now there's a bird bone mobile hanging from a nail in the living room.

Joyous.

Also, send me some fun creative writing exercises that might elicit (or shall we say "provoke"?) some memorable responses...

Not a school project. But sort of.

This is what I'm working on in Provincetown!

Someone please do this...

Save the Date Wedding Trailers! OMG!

Apparently they're becoming very trendy. I guess wedding dance videos aren't enough anymore. (I also think this would be a fun way to earn money with a CAMS degree.)

So cheesy....



And for that classic Benton House couple...


HAHAHAHAHA.

Its freezing and I'm ready spring now.

Hey friends!
Its currently 3 degrees outside. So much for that heat wave last week--highs of 32 and rain...lots of rain that would freeze. Except you don't realize its frozen so you step out of your car onto the blacktop and die. Classic.

I had my first alumni gathering experience last week. I went to downtown mpls where Carleton was hosting a business network event. It was interesting... Have any of you had that experience where you run into someone you went to school with--except you never said anything to one another for the entire 4 years you were at school together--but now that you are randomly running into each other, you're now friends? Yeah, that happened a lot. People from school that I had never spoken to were all of the sudden super friendly and curious about what I was up to. Kind of nice, really! Glad we can all be friends now. :]

Anyway, at this event they had this guy from class of 74 speaking about the Outlook for 2010 and how to get a job in the business world. So obviously, there were a ton of econ majors dressed in suits ready to network and a bunch of older alums. Mingling was not hard or as awkward as I thought cause alums would just walk up to you and include you in some random conversation. Awesome.

Apparently we should be looking for jobs in infrastructure, green tech, health care, and food. According to the speaker those are the industries that will be able to expand. Score for Amy--seriously, every time I drink something that isn't Coca Cola I look at the label and it says "Pepsico--Purchase, NY." I think you're stalking me.

Okay, funny story...one of my mom's co-workers heard that I was still searching for a job, so she called up her husband who is an executive in the financial department of Gander Mountain. He says that he's looking for an inventory analyst and even though it require 3-4 years experience, he said I can skip that since I went to Carleton. Haha. If you don't know Gander Mountain, its a hunting/fishing/camping company with the motto: "We live outdoors." Hahaha. Sounds perfect for me! Luckily knowledge of the lifestyle is not a requirement.

Second funny story...I logged onto facebook yesterday and in that sidebar where the ads are I saw 3 ads for the following:
1. Minneapolis 1 Day Coupons
2. Pole dancing shoes!
3. Become a fan of the Emu--King of the birds!

WTF FACEBOOK.

Obam-bam

For those of you who couldn't watch it!

Remember this?

Look what Apple trailers has now...

The trailer features clips not in the original movie. It looks weird now.

Reasons Bolivia´s Cool

Sorry I haven´t posted since I arrived everyone. I´m safe, just fyi. The store is chock FULL of colorful characters and I´m pretty excited to dissect them more thoroughly in the future (Ryeon, Andrew...no funny business at the mention of dissection). So far I don´t really have friends, but it´s ok because I have a really cool crazy neighbor who should sign the Kyoto Protocol at the rate she smokes, an aspiring Buddhist/quasi-academic employee, all the coked-out tourists speaking garbled, Cockney English I could ever want, and the world of couchsurfing to bring new friends to my front door.

Today I also found my favorite store in La Paz/Bolivia/ever. They sell tickertape, fireworks, dried starfish, roots that make you hallucinate, and hammocks. All at reasonable prices!! Bolivia´s also nice because beer, albeit weak pilsener, is sold in half liters. For a dollar. Which means either a. I don´t really need friends or b. having friends will be that much better.

Finally, La Paz is cool because instead of normal city buses we have mini-buses from the 1970´s. Exactly like the ones in LOST. The other day I had the best time imagining my overweight driver was Hurly bouncing through the jungle. How am I going to watch that show come Feb. 1?!?

And that´s my Bolivian life. I have pretty much full control of the store at this point and tomorrow I start training my very own full-time employee. I´ll post pictures soon of my pretty apartment and other things that catch my attention. LATER!

p.s. Can we have a competition to see who can use this website to most hilarious effect?

"the 'this is why you fart' topic"

This was the actual headline from a site I just visited on a vegetarian website. For the last week, I have been a minimalist/busy/not gone to the grocery store and, as a result, my diet has been primarily vegetarian. I have noticed that I started farting often and loudly (not silent and deadly, but which is worse, really??) and looked up possible causes. Turns out spinach, in addition to beans, compounded by a vegetarian diet high in fiber all lead to excessive farting. I have been eating my way through a bag of spinach and fresh green beans all week!! I think I'm going to have to change my diet because I spend so much time studying in the quiet library, I can't afford such embarrassment! Nevertheless, my diet may still be more wholesome than Rye's...

For the wish list...

Some of you may or may not be familiar with my dream of having a room full of eternally youthful baby animals (harp seals, penguins, etc etc. Yes, I'm weird). Most of all I've wanted a baby pig that resembles Wilbur from that film adaptation of "Charlotte's Web."Turns out, my dream is closer than I thought...

If you haven't seen this already, be prepared to die of a cuteness overload:
TEACUP PIGS!!!!
Only a few thousand dollars and one could be mine!!! Eeek. SOOOO CUTE.

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all time low

roommate tossed a half-eaten chocolate & caramel-covered pretzel stick in the trash can b/c it was too hard to chew. horrified at this loss of dessert, i exclaim reflexively, "YOU THREW THAT AWAY?!" She instantly grabs it from the trash, which is full mind you, and says, "Do you want it?" I ask if it has touched the trash bag and other pieces of trash. She confirms in the positive. Who am I kidding, did I even need to ask that? I barely inspect it before stuffing it in my mouth. And yes, it was hard to chew. But worth it? Yes. If only for the sake of this story.

Today, for my dinner, I had a plate of saltines and pretzels with a side of A1 Steak Sauce and a can of white corn. Luckily, some housemates had some leftover soup and rice that I could eat to supplement my severe disinterest in cooking for myself.